shocked

hmmm i received a shocking message today.
my first reaction was to cry><
but when i think abt it, it's more like getting slapped in the face with a bad memory.
the shock and, partly, the content of the message.
i have yet to reply her but i think i'll only reply later, since i'll be seeing her.
i dun wanna make things awkward for us.

feel like talking to someone abt it, but afraid that it'll only make pple angry and sad.
maybe one day, evenrtually, but not now.

New layout!

hahah decided to change to a new layout cos my old one needed to scroll left and right, very mafan!
i also removed the tagboard cos i realise i dunno how to add it into this new template):
now should be much more reader-friendly le!((:

 had peer tutoring today,
jokes, no one came but a year 4 student studying 422 and i din even take that mod, cannot help at all:/
ym, jon, ck and xy came to chitchat with me!
hahah so slack mexP
i would've finished watching running man if not for themxP
tml got another session, but i might ask someone else to replace me, or not go at allxP
going out, but still unconfirmed:/

 got back 421 test results today!
was late for class so din get to see my results till the end of lecture, I GOT FREAKING 38/40!!
like seriously??
i thought the paper was abit difficult,
cos i had mental block here and there.
but luckily it was open book((:
hahaha i was really lucky for the last question, even though i din know i had the answer in my notes, i managed to crap sth out that sounds reasonable!(:
think the prof was v lenient.
lol i think someone wasn't v happy for me when i got back my results:/
but who cares?
now the future generation will have my 'model answers' for reference!xP
(prof gonna scan a copy of the answers.)

watched Ted ytd with dear!
 haha feels weird calling him that now:/
anw! it was okayy at the beginning, but towards the end, it became better!
guess i really felt for Lori when John was under the bad influence of Ted, esp the Flash party:/
jealous of frens but dun wanna make him choose..

 have to start searching for a paper now!!
gta do up a presentation before end of the week><

just thinking..

had a slpover with mar and ly that day after clubbing, it was fun, htht-ing into the wee hours of the morning(: wad we talked abt made me think abt some things.. the future we're looking at is currently blurry, nth is confirmed. we hope that things will turn out the way we want, but there's always the fear of the possibility that things will not go our way. there's no preventing it i guess. for me, it's ldr. whenever i'm with him, it always feels like i do not need to worry at all, as though everything will definitely turn out fine. but it has been proven that that is not the case, this ldr needs to be maintained and probly will be more tiring than a 24/7 relationship. he has been so busy recently, i only get to see him like once or twice a week, but it was always quality time, so not too bad. but it's just that when he's not by my side, i'll tend to feel like he's not there at all. like when i sms, he always either not reply or take super long to reply. i'm really scared that if he goes back, and i get used to him not being there, i'll stop trying to maintain the relationship>< and then i also dun like to call cos sometimes i feel like we dun really have much to talk abt>< this is wad i'm most afraid of, cos next time we can only skype and talk, wad if there's really nth to talk abt?? so most of the time, i let him call, at least i know he'll be free to talk to me, and i dun have to worry much abt if there's anything to talk abt:/ sigh.. i really wanna talk to him, how we're gonna maintain this ldr, but he's always so busy and after his event, there's so little time to spend tgt.. i hope we can work sth out and not leave it hanging such that i dunno wad t do when he goes back): i really hope things work out, dun think i can take another blow:(

i realise that blogspot has changed its layout, the 'hide post' function is no longer there. i've been reminded of this blog which i abandoned (din wanna rmb some things) a long time ago. and so i'm back here, reread some of my posts and haha got abit emo, which probly explains my 4am post. went out with mar, siak, ly and val today(: it was fun! like being able to laugh with and talk to them again, i missed that. one comment my friend told me on exchange, you're really strong, i could nvr tell from your behaviour. i din really like this comment. i want to be able to show how i feel and let pple come and comfort me. i made some promise to myself. i hope i can keep to it..